But, She's Your MOTHER!

Hot on the heels of the post to husbands, telling them not to be lazy dumb asses, I offer this, the reality of some folks Mother's Day.

Not everyone that births/raises a child deserves the 'Mother' title.

Hallmark is shrieking right now, as are all the known Unicorns on the planet.

Unicorns, for those unfamiliar with the term, are folks who prance around, shitting glitter, and saying profound things like, "She's the only mother you have!" "But, they're faaaaammiiillly!" "You HAVE to call your mother!" "She's your MOTHER, you HAVE to forgive her!" "Of COURSE she loves you!" "That's just the way she is, you have to let it go!"

Bullshit, says I. Complete, total, and utter bullshit.

There are people out there that shouldn't have raised tomatoes, let alone children. Yet, due to the seemingly sole act of pushing a child from their body (or adopting), are forever sacrosanct and wonderful people, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Nope. Not how it works.

If you act like a bitch, you're a bitch. Being some one's mother should be a reason to treat them BETTER than the rest of the world, not worse.

If you treat a child with a complete lack of respect, are verbally abusive, physically abusive, neglect them unless there's an audience around for you to show off for, you're not a mother.

You're just a shitty human being, who, unfortunately, has dominion over a vulnerable, Innocent child.

Why is it that, when a child grows up from an abusive household, it is expected that the child should grow up, get over it, forgive, and everyone is Happy Family?

No. Just, no.

Society would never tell a rape victim to call their rapist to say Merry Christmas. Or tell someone that's been attacked by a stranger and had the shit kicked out of them to 'quit holding a grudge, and go visit.'

So why, WHY, does anyone think this is even REMOTELY acceptable to tell someone that's grown up in an environment of abuse?

Or, one of my personal favourites, "Yeah, they sucked, but it's because of them that you are who you are today."

Really? REALLY?! Saying that growing up in an abusive home was a CREDIT to their development is worse than Unicorn shit, it's flat out insane.

Would you tell a rape victim to be grateful to her rapist, because she's a stronger person now?

Would you tell the victim of a drunk driver, "Well, you know what NOT to do, because of them."?

To imply that there is a positive credit to be assigned to abusers for how their victims turned out is not only flat out stupid, but it's insulting and invalidating to those who have worked damn hard to overcome all that shit. Who struggle, and possibly always will to get over all of the programming and psychological warfare they endured as children. Who wonder, what better a person, spouse, parent, friend they might be if they hadn't started out in such a nightmare deficit, having to unlearn, relearn, rebuild all the bullshit installed during their childhood, and, instead, had had the basic tools of life that ALL children should have? You know, minor little things like self worth, self care, self love, security, trust, confidence, love, safety...

Just minor wee things.

Mother's Day, Father's Day, and other holidays can be a source of pain for those who grew up with a toxic family. Reminding them of what they don't have, and may never have had to start with.

So, do those of us dealing with estrangement a favour. If you hear of someone that isn't seeing their parents on holidays, don't start telling them to fix things. Don't offer advice. You don't have a clue what the full story is, so keep your mouth shut. Seriously. Change the subject, whatever, but don't dare to imagine that you have even the slightest idea that you know what's going on, and how they got to where they are.

And then, give a silent thanks to whatever Deity you might believe in that you DON'T understand.

Cause it's a shitty place to be.